Here in America we have the freedom of choice; the freedom to be dumb if it so suits us. Now obviously with human nature being what it is, when humans are given freedom of choice there are bound to be a few who abuse it. The positive in this aspect is that there will be times in which it will be hilarious. The following list is five of America’s Dumbest Crimes, and it surely is entertaining.


  • Criminal steals wallet then proceeds to use it 50 yards away.

A Chicago woman was at a gas station when she noticed her wallet had been lifted from her car. Responding officers were informed of a green van leaving the scene.

As if it couldn’t have possibly been any easier to get caught, documented activity showed that the credit card had already been used at a McDonald’s only 50 yards from the gas station from which it was stolen. 29-year-old mom Estellamarie Ruiz apparently saw nothing wrong with stealing a stranger’s wallet, chucking it in the trash at a gas station then using the credit card at a fast food establishment in the same vicinity.

Ruiz was initially charged with a well deserved felony for identity theft, misuse of a credit card, and illegally conducting criminal activities.Upon arrival at the scene, police spotted Ruiz & her two children inhabiting the green van, with hamburgers. The receipt found in the vehicle was matched to the stolen credit card.

  • Woman said Jesus Christ, her husband, would pay the bill

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In an Oklahoma restaurant, Kristie Rhines ordered both food as well as various alcoholic beverages. She rang up a $56.55 tab with El Chico Mexican Restaurant. When presented with the bill for the food ordered, Kristie explained that she didn’t have any money and her husband would have to be the one to pay.

Obviously, she was pressed further and claimed to be legally married to Jesus (YES she meant Jesus from the bible), but of course had no marriage license. Because Jesus definitely wouldn’t have access to one of those, right? Police later showed up to the scene and Rhines was arrested on fraud charges, since she had no intention of ever paying. Had the staff listened to her, they would have been waiting a long time.


  • Intoxicated Woman confused jail for bar

A drunk 39-year-old Michigan woman mistook the county jail with for a near by bar where she was looking to pick up her boyfriend. A deputy noticed the woman who reeked of alcohol and also appeared intoxicated. The breathalyzer test proved right with a 0.08 percent alcohol level, which sufficed arrest charges in the state of Michigan. Well, instead of the bar…she ended up in a place with bars. Oops.


  • Guess this criminal couldn’t wait for Christmas, gets stuck in chimney

It’s not every day one hears about someone getting stuck in something, especially a chimney none the less. Usually one would expect thieves or criminals to at least make an attempt at being stealthy; 30-year-old Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa definitely disappointed in that aspect. The details of this crime are not completely released by police yet, but it is being suggested that Nunez was arrested upon suspicion of illegal entry and providing the police with false information. The woman destroyed the chimney and damaged a part of the roof, reports state that the chimney had to be chiseled away and lubricated with dish soap to retrieve the suspect.

  • Burglar leaves his personal cell phone at crime scene.

Honestly, this man might as well have just left his social security card behind instead if he was going to be that careless about leaving personal information lying around a crime scene.
Police reported someone breaking into a Sunnyside Road home in Jackson Township. The owner of the homer contacted police who found various electronics stolen.

But luckily the robber was nice enough to leave his own electronic behind, his cell phone.

Police were able to call and trace the phone directly to 22-year-old Keenan Pleasant. They later arrived at his residence and apprehended both him and all of the stolen electronics. Now currently being held on $5,000 bail; Pleasant is facing both burglary and drug charges.


Some people never cease to amaze! Just when you think that you heard it all, a shocking story will change your perspective… Some of these criminals belong on a Comedy Central skit like the one below:



Although these crimes had humorous outcomes, the cost of bail for each of these people will be a pretty penny, like that of Pleasant. Don’t let that happen to you! America’s Bail Bonds is here to assist you with your bail bond needs, and answer any questions that may arise. Contact the best Houston Bail Bonds company around at our phone number 713-999-4348, available 24/7!